Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Feel like a Mom
I was just putting my little guy to bed for a nap and I was holding him and rocking him for a few minutes to help calm him down and as I was rocking and kissing him I thought "Why have I never felt like a "mother"?". It's not that I don't love my son, I do, I would do anything for him. I guess I just remember how I always looked at my Mom and how she was just Mom and could do anything. I don't think I feel like I can do anything. I just thought when I had my first child I would have this overwhelming sense of "MOM". I don't, I just feel like me, playing house some days. It's weird. I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way.
Friday, September 7, 2007
My view today...My Mother
Hello All! It is September around 1pm in Pennsylvania. This is my first blog on this site. My point of view today is: My Mother!!
Ok so my mother is a nice woman and I am her only daughter but did she seriously think that I had a kid so she could raise him?!?!?
So this is the deal, in August of 2005 I had a little boy (Evan) and I went back to work and for about the first year of his life my Mom watched him from 10am till I got home from work around 5:30pm. Then she watched him for my husband and me while I still worked part time on Mondays, Tuesdays, & Thursdays. (I know, I'm an ungrateful pig to even be complaining about her since we never had to pay for daycare but here is the rest of the story).
So then in March of 2007 my Mom's colon cancer came back again for the 3rd time and she has to get chemo again. No problem, until in May when one of the drugs caused her to really lose touch with reality (her brain swelled) and we had to put her in the hospital and I wound up being fired from my job (long story, but a total blessing in disguise). She has been out of the hospital since May and done Chemo since June and is doing much better. But she recently moved to an apartment so has no house to take care of. She doesn't watch Evan anymore b/c I do since I don't work, and she still is not really able to watch him. She also does not have a job or hardly any friends.
Here is the annoying part. She won't listen to any advice from me, her sons, her sister, etc. She will hang up on me or change the subject if I try to get her to go talk to a doctor about her memory and her brain that we all know was affected by the chemo treatments. But she will call me 5 or 6 times a day to talk about nothing. Which does not sound like a big deal, except this has been going on for 3 months! She was never the type of woman to hound me, I know that she is lonely and bored, but she won't help herself. She just shops at Wal Mart or the dollar store and calls me or goes out to eat every day and always wants us to go with her (which I don't want to because my son has food allergies). I usually don't want to go out with her because I can't even carry on a normal conversation with her and I wind up yelling at her and upsetting my son.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I should go the doctor to find out how to deal with her. Like I could ask the doc "How do I get my mother to get her own life and stop trying to live in mine without feeling guilty?" "How do I get her to realize that I love her but I am almost 40 and she is driving me nuts and I don't need nor want to live with my mother (which is what she wants - hello we only have 2 bedrooms in a tiny ranch house, where the hell do you think you would sleep?" "Why has she hinted that she would like to live with me, so I could do the cleaning, cooking, and laundry and she could play and watch Evan and tell me for the 12th time in one hour "don't you think he's cute?"?" I wonder if there is even a doc out there that could help with this. I know they would probably want me to either talk to my mother or bring her in for a session, which would never happen, b/c she wouldn't do it.
Oh well, maybe if this questions go out into the blogger universe I will receive some sort of "divine" blogger intervention that will present the answer to me. I hope so
Ok so my mother is a nice woman and I am her only daughter but did she seriously think that I had a kid so she could raise him?!?!?
So this is the deal, in August of 2005 I had a little boy (Evan) and I went back to work and for about the first year of his life my Mom watched him from 10am till I got home from work around 5:30pm. Then she watched him for my husband and me while I still worked part time on Mondays, Tuesdays, & Thursdays. (I know, I'm an ungrateful pig to even be complaining about her since we never had to pay for daycare but here is the rest of the story).
So then in March of 2007 my Mom's colon cancer came back again for the 3rd time and she has to get chemo again. No problem, until in May when one of the drugs caused her to really lose touch with reality (her brain swelled) and we had to put her in the hospital and I wound up being fired from my job (long story, but a total blessing in disguise). She has been out of the hospital since May and done Chemo since June and is doing much better. But she recently moved to an apartment so has no house to take care of. She doesn't watch Evan anymore b/c I do since I don't work, and she still is not really able to watch him. She also does not have a job or hardly any friends.
Here is the annoying part. She won't listen to any advice from me, her sons, her sister, etc. She will hang up on me or change the subject if I try to get her to go talk to a doctor about her memory and her brain that we all know was affected by the chemo treatments. But she will call me 5 or 6 times a day to talk about nothing. Which does not sound like a big deal, except this has been going on for 3 months! She was never the type of woman to hound me, I know that she is lonely and bored, but she won't help herself. She just shops at Wal Mart or the dollar store and calls me or goes out to eat every day and always wants us to go with her (which I don't want to because my son has food allergies). I usually don't want to go out with her because I can't even carry on a normal conversation with her and I wind up yelling at her and upsetting my son.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I should go the doctor to find out how to deal with her. Like I could ask the doc "How do I get my mother to get her own life and stop trying to live in mine without feeling guilty?" "How do I get her to realize that I love her but I am almost 40 and she is driving me nuts and I don't need nor want to live with my mother (which is what she wants - hello we only have 2 bedrooms in a tiny ranch house, where the hell do you think you would sleep?" "Why has she hinted that she would like to live with me, so I could do the cleaning, cooking, and laundry and she could play and watch Evan and tell me for the 12th time in one hour "don't you think he's cute?"?" I wonder if there is even a doc out there that could help with this. I know they would probably want me to either talk to my mother or bring her in for a session, which would never happen, b/c she wouldn't do it.
Oh well, maybe if this questions go out into the blogger universe I will receive some sort of "divine" blogger intervention that will present the answer to me. I hope so
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